Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
