i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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