Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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