She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
