I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
