There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
