To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
