They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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