So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
