Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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