You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
