just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
