I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
