She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
