i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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