i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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