3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
