Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
