wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
