After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
