I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
