I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
