I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize