So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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