UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think I just sharted jello shots
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