So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
