I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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