he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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