my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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