I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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