dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am available for nakedness
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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