Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
