I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
