I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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