ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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