Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
