i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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