there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I deserve this hangover.
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