1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
