Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
