I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
