At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
