this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
