I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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