I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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