I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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