Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
