First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
