My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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