im six kinds of drunk right now
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
