I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
