you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
