you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didn't notice because vodka
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
