I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
