Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
