When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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