they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
