She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
why is half of my head shaved?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
