Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
