the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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