I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
