You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
